Subject: Very worried about our piglets
From: Porcine.Sweetie@gmail.com To: Porcine.Beastie@gmail.com Date: 24.04.2013
I was about to write you too. I got a similar email from Puggy. He too claimed they found some “special speedos” (!?!) that let them “live and breathe underwater”. He even claimed they went to Atlantis, of all places! (He said Atlantis=Kumari-La.)
I just don’t quite know what to believe… I agree entirely that (on the surface) this sounds every bit as bonkers as the “Starship Porcenterprise” they invented (remember the time they started calling their pillowcases “exoblankets”? Such cuties!)
So I pulled up the GPS logs from the modified smartphone we sent them. I thought it would help if we knew exactly where they had been, before we talked to them and tried to tempt them into coming home.
So here’s the weird bit. According to the GPS, they did indeed spend the last few weeks in the middle of the ocean! Moreover the altimeter records confirm that they were substantially below sea-level at times! It get’s even weirder though: twice in the last two weeks the records show them teleporting! Firstly, on April 9th they went, seemingly instantaneously, from being in the middle of the Indian Ocean, to being somewhere just off the coast of Morocco. Then on the 20th they vanished again, only to appear moments later near Bangladesh!
Anyway, right now I’m just totally confused. The phone is fine according to the diagnostics I ran, so something fishy is definitely going on. I dread to think what. We need to talk to our piglets.
Love from an equally concerned father-boar,
P.S. Puggy told me he wants to marry Piggy :)