Breaking news

PorcineAdventure20130813The following is an extract from Orange Dog International News, broadcast at 08:30 on 13.08.13

We are hearing reports that a major law enforcement operation is underway just off the Florida coast. Following what appears to have been an anonymous tip, in the early hours of this morning, the U.S. Coast Guard arrested Miguel Ricotta, the self-proclaimed leader of the so-called “Gnocchi Cabal”.

He was captured on board his luxury yacht, along with a large quantity of street-ready cocaine, numerous small arms and ammunition, faked documents, and suitcases full of hundred dollar bills.

Ricotta is 8th on the FBI’s Most Wanted List, and arrest warrants have been issued against him in 13 different countries worldwide.

The public may remember that Ricotta was briefly detained in 1998, but the authorities had insufficient evidence to indict him.In the past, allegations against Ricotta and the rest of the Gnocchi Cabal have been notoriously hard to prove. However the same anonymous source that provided the coast guard with Ricotta’s location also sent pictures cataloging a wide variety of illegal activity taking place on his yacht.

With me here in the studio is District Commander Gregory Hillman, of the U.S. Coast Guard 7th District responsible for the Florida coast.

NEWS ANCHOR: “Commander Hillman, can you describe what this means to you and your team that has been involved in this case for more than a decade? How does it feel to have finally arrested Ricotta?”

HILLMAN: “In a word, ecstatic. We’ve finally nailed the slippery (redacted). It’s impossible to overstate the importance of the evidence against the Gnocchi Cabal. We hope that the material we seized on board the yacht will help unravel a whole string of unsolved cases.”

Today has been a great success. I would like to personally thank the two undercover agents, seen on the footage, whoever they are and wherever they are.”

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