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BA-kON / Snout Count


Piggy’s Journal, 05.10.13

I spent a terrifying night inside the piggery. Each and every second I was convinced I was about to be porkalised.

But my terror was nothing compared to what the poor, poor, poor piggery boars and sows go through on a daily basis.

I almost can’t bear to think about how horrible and miserable their lives are. Every morning when they wake up the first thing they do is snort goodbye to their friends and little ones. Because they never know: will today be the day that the machine-killer comes for them?

That’s right: “machine-killer”. The piggies told me that the piggery is run by a vicious row-bot called BA-kON (I assume this is an acronym for something nasty, but I’m not sure what it stands for). There are villainous two-legs in charge of BA-kON, but it’s BA-kON and her row-bot minions that actually do the porkalising.

The poor piggies are kept trapped in tiny little cages. The sowsies are all kept on one side and the boars on the other. They will never taste freedom, or even see the sun. They will never wake up with a loved one in a beautiful meadow. They will never get to explore; they will never visit the bottom of the ocean or stand on the top of the world.

It’s just so unfair.

At least there’s some good news: I’m 95% confident my presence in the piggery went unnoticed. I’m sure it’s all down to the blanket.

Puggy summed it up eloquently:

“Best. Camouflage. Ever.”

Snout count

System log, 06.10.13

BA-kON sounds better than she looks! 

Snout count: 1374

Expected: 1374

All CAFOPs accounted for. UCP has definitely left the building.


  • CAFOPs seem unusually verbose this morning.
  • Snorting volume currently at 148%.


  • UCP spreading anti-CAFO propaganda.

Recommended action:

  • Immediate reclassification of UCP status to “hostile”.

Listen to Piggy reading her journal!



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